


Toys

by Fuguestate



Category: V for Vendetta (2005)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-24
Updated: 2010-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-14 14:19:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuguestate/pseuds/Fuguestate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>V discovers the hazards of going mainstream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toys

"Ridiculous."

"Really? You think so?"

"I do, Mr. Finch, and by the sound of it, you do as well."

"It's not about what _I_ think... this is the most popular toy of the season. Possibly ever, to hear the news."

"Aw, I think it's cute. What do you think, Evey?"

"Eve, that sound is most unbecoming of a lady."

"Spoilsport. I have to say I'm with Dominic on this one."

"So you think _this_ \- " V held a small plastic figure aloft, "is _cute_?"

Evey's grin was positively Cheshirean. "Absolutely." She stepped forward, showing off the toy's features as enthusiastically as any commercial. "Look at it - all that detail in the mask, and they even got the length of your knives correct."

"And the fabric weave."

"You would notice that, Dom." Finch's dour face almost cracked a smile.

V was not impressed. "When," he asked, "have I ever employed a 'karate chop' to dispatch my opponents?" With a sarcastic flourish he pressed a point in the action figure's back, sending its right arm into a spastic up-and-down motion.

"Oh, come on," Dominic argued, "there's only so much you can do for an action figure. Would you rather they put in realistic stabbing motions instead?"

"Of course not, but... 'cute'." The grinning mask somehow managed to convey disgust. "I showed the people of London the way to freedom from decades of oppression, and now I am 'cute'."

"Think of it as a compliment. How's that phrase go again, Chief?"

" 'Bastardization is the sincerest form of flattery'?"

"You're all enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Oh, at least you got an _actual_ action figure," Evey's hands went to her hips in spite of her smile. "I wound up as a glorified Barbie doll, complete with an obnoxious little cooker set."

"Er..." Inspector Stone suddenly became very interested in the Bacon painting.

Evey laughed. "Oh my god - Dominic, tell me you didn't bring that one too!"

"Well, I figured it was only fair, for the sake of comparison..."

Finch rolled his eyes. "Just admit it – you wanted to see if their clothes fit each other."

Quickly Evey snatched the V figure from the original's surprised hand. "Did you bring the playset too?"

"Uhm..." He guiltily brought out a mass of pink plastic from one of the bags they'd brought down.

Evey cackled. "Ooh, lemme see..." She dove at the small pile Dominic brought with all the haste of a child on a sugar high at Christmas. "Aha! She's got an apron, gimme that..."

"Eve..." How was it possible to _hear_ V rolling his eyes-? " _How_ old are you, again?"

"Aw, c'mon, he's cute in her little flowered pinny. And look, she can hold his knives!" She and Dominic hunched over the hapless toys, prodding and pulling.

"Oh, his hat fits her!"

"Wait, can he hold the spatula? Brilliant!" V's tiny counterpart was now fiercely karate-chopping the skillet in mini-Evey's playset.

Finch's expression was developing a distinct twitch. "Should we leave them to it?"

V looked over just in time to see Inspector Stone and his protégé figuring out how to make the cross-dressed figures kiss, complete with sound effects.

"Yes. Yes, that would be a splendid idea. I believe I have a cask that's been waiting some thirty years to be opened, if you would care to join me?"

"Love to." Finch offered a conciliatory pat to V's shoulder while Evey and Dominic's conversation continued undeterred behind them.

"...Why would they give me a cooker set, anyway? I can't even cook!"

"Well, maybe that's their idea of giving you a weapon..."

\- fin -


End file.
